A local RKM math chief, when he was told that our mother was heartbroken, responded by asking how many children mother has, we answered “four”. He said that there were cases where a single son had joined math. I immediately said to him for a mother it makes no difference and that “each child is her dear ones”.
I will never say that the Ramakrishna Math is responsible for what happened to our family. Directly, they may not have pursued him and they are not responsible for a decision my brother had taken after his own considerations. He was also a grown up who could take his own decisions. If he had our feelings and sorrow in his mind more than his affection for pursuit of God, he would not have gone.
Swamijis reiterated that it is due to our selfishness, we were remaining concerned about him. Question is, is it not Swamijis selfishness that they were siding with him. Is it not my brothers selfishness in finding better happiness in pursuing God that he is leaving us. Is it it not his selfishness that he get Moksha through Sannyasa so that he will not have rebirths. My brother is my sweet, beloved, upright, young man. Though, selfishness is there in all human actions; if that is the argument. Monks and us in the material are alike in that one thing.
I will defend him with tooth and nail in all else because he is my brother except in this one thing in which he left us all in perennial pain and distress. In his act, I will never, ever support him or agree with him because he made my mother, sisters, and others cry for nothing. I will argue against his act before him or anyone else because I have enough reasons to argue against. You may be wondering whether I will change my position if he becomes another Swami Vivekanandan like the local RKM chief tried to convince us. Let me reiterate my position, I see no point in his line even then.
We argued, reasoned, and pleaded with the Swamis in Maths around Calicut requesting them to return our boy and make him see reason. They explained that they were not asking him to come, “it is his choosing” was their version, which is true. However, if every boy choose to leave home in pursuit of an often ‘out of sight’ God, what his mother, sisters, and brothers are supposed to do to cope as they are mere humans with emotions, attachments, and feelings. Does it serve any purpose to see an elusive God braking them into pieces for the rest of their lives in the process?
We argued desperately with the Swamijis because at stake was foundation of our family with one member ready to renounce everything he has and leave for an incomprehensible reason such as wish to spent rest of his life in search of God.
One particular meeting with Swamiji of the Math by my younger sister ended bitterly with both Swamiji and my sister debating fiercely over the matter (my younger sister is short tempered but she had reasons close to her heart this time).
For her, she had to do the utmost to retain him in our family’s fold and for the Swamiji, it was his way of life being questioned and a new potential member of his team being stopped. I won’t blame both my sister and Swamiji for their selfishness but I am with my sister in trying to stop him and in questioning his new quest – you can call it my selfishness!
