To this day, he had left us some method to contact him, though, he does not initiate any contact with us apart from rare snail mail.
Few months after leaving our home, he had written us a letter inquiring how everyone was doing and reassuring that he was doing well. This had not helped much as the void was still there and the sorrow remained high. Letter was very general and did not pass any new information on his sudden and profound transformation from a journalist to a Sannyasi apprentice. He said in the letter “Only good will come from his leaving for the family and to the whole world”.
I am yet to find out what good will come to anyone from his leaving the care and love of our family, his friends, and our town.
At home, mother has been feeling very low although she does not always show that in her demeanor and during conversation. I often think how she would be feeling and how she would be coping. I feel all the more guilty due to the fact that I remain in Gulf. On my part, I do not wish to be here. It is my greatest wish today to get back to India in some kind of a job or business as early as possible. However that hope remains a mirage at the moment.
Swamijis remarked to me when we met them pleading for our brothers material life to be restored, “why don’t you stay at home to care for your mother and why do you expect your brother to take care of mother?”. What do they, ‘living in the world of spirituality comfortably’ know about an average family’s struggle to make ends meet?. Even if they knew, they would hide that for winning the argument, though.
I wonder whether I was required to have spilled out my family’s innermost fears and struggles for an already loosing battle? Swamijis showed little compassion for our agony though they said to dedicate their life for the world peace, harmony, and everyones happiness. How can they bring happiness to the entire world while not even being able to answer for a single family’s pain?
Much to my dismay, one day, my mother told me that one of our relatives who tried to get in touch with my brother on phone to Calcutta could not succeed. He seems to have been unable to speak to my brother due to unknown reasons. The thought of him being out of reach completely overwhelmed me when she said that. He was one who has been always within reach. Now he is not only out of reach but also out of communication.
Being an expatriate, one always finds the solace in the fact that a male member of the family is back home to take care of elderly parents and other affairs at home. But now, there is none at home for that. He left us to fend for ourselves both physically and mentally.