In the late evening, we travelled with him in the bus on one final trip. We went to the railway station where West Coast express was yet to arrive. All this time, me and my elder sisters husband and another close relative stayed with him. At midnight west coast express bound for Chennai arrived. I looked at the train in disbelief as it arrived.
He left me his phone number at T-Nagar Chennai, on request. He had apparently booked his tickets much before and was ready to go. I forced some rupee notes into his hands none of which he needed, though he took them not to hurt me. Where is the need for money for one who would be trained as a Sannyasi? he had a small bag with his meager, simple possession. At an age when young men like him party and celebrate, he was going away, to some kind of nothingness.
Finally he bid goodbye after the train arrived. He left with too little money and a small bag with his most basic cloths and belongings.
After I returned from the railway station, I was numb with the thoughts. I have been thoughtful and wondering what is happening, ever since my elder sister broke the news. I sometimes wondered whether all this was a dream and that whether he would walk up to me and say he dropped the plan.
If he was small, I could have threatened to beat him up or could have actually done that to try to stop him. But for a man of his age (he was around 31 at that time) what I could possibly do? If I had still forcefully held him back what he would become with his great interest to become a Sannyasi? If he did something such as taking his life, won’t the world blame me for stopping him from what he wanted to do and letting him live the life of his liking?
My sisters who broke down more easily and heavily, cried often between the day we started negotiating with him and the day he left. Mother was often in bed crying and begging him not to leave. He would not budge. Inside, he might have been also burning but that we could not see or he was forcing himself not to make sense of our deep sorrow.