I did not openly cry and I did that only once after I have grown up. That was when I saw my younger sister cry from the death of my father. She had just delivered her baby and he did not stay enough to see the newborn.
Normally I am quiet immune and rarely let tears fall. I must say I cry inside. Since he left, I am not at peace. First was the frustration, then the anger, helplessness, and then devastating agony as he left. To this day it remains a big pain which will be only over on his return.
He is in Along when we heard last. Moving farther from Calcutta, today, he is helping the administration of a large Ramakrishna Mission School in Along, Arunachal Pradesh. My twins, are more than two years old by now. He left soon after they were born.
Some of you might be thinking “what’s the big deal” when all of us can go and visit him where he is. However you will probably not understand what it feels like unless your own brother abandons your home for good.
Letter that came gives us little relief. But the fact that at least that olden and feeble link is alive is a small relief.
He had almost successfully detached from us – no one can see a mind, so I am not sure. But at least externally it looks, he has been phenomenally successful. While faced with the prospect of him leaving and failing to score any headway in discussions, I didn’t know how to control myself and my feelings. I realised the only successful method is to detach myself from him also – which I am still trying with little success.